Skip's Scorn

Though I am determined to keep my blog as positive and happy-go-lucky as humanly possible, I'm forced to make a small exception and share my newly formed, bitter disdain for America West airlines (US Airways, whatever) with my impressionable readers...

It all began at check-in when my luggage weighed in 7 lbs. over regulation (stupid shoes) and the AW agent still charged me $50 despite my bestest puppy-dog eyes and pouting lips. This was a sign, there was nowhere to go but downhill. My (delayed) one-hour flight to Las Vegas (a pit-stop on my way to Ohio) ended up being two-hours of intense, gut-flipping turbulence (please recall my terror in the air) ultimately ending with an emergency landing in 'Ontario,' wherever that is, because it was too windy and we were running out of fuel. The person behind me ralphed on the rocky ride, the stewardess (that's right, there was one) had no idea what the next step was and the fine people of Ontario (still in California in case you were wondering) didn't know how to handle a commercial airliner seeing that it is actually a UPS hub....

Another two-hours and my Vegas virginity was finally broken as I landed at 1am, spent 45 minutes attempting to find a new flight, was finally reunited with my bag, arranged for a hotel (the ever-fabulous Amerisuites, where my friend Jon the night manager told me to 'take a deep breath and stop calling me') and fell asleep in my pool-side room (a term I use very loosely).

The fun didn't end with my sweet polyester-pillow dreams though. The next morning I waited in line to check-in for my new flight for 45 minutes only to be told that I was already checked-in and that my bag was still overweight (yes, thank you). Then I waited another 45 minutes in a glass tunnel because I was 'selected at random for a security screening.' Are you kidding me?!?! Do I look like a terrorist?!?! I was wearing a Burberry coat and pearls! I pleaded with Sam, the 85-year old security guard (don't mess with him), and again, the puppy-dog eyes and pouty lips did not work. Am I losing my touch? Gaaahhh!

24-hours and 21 minutes later I finally arrived in New York (Ohio, as a destination, was a casualty of my airline-agent rage at 1:22am).

Needless to say, I will never go to Las Vegas again and I will never again fly America West (US Airways, whatever).